That move, Balestrieri says, implies strength, trust, and control, making it great for power play. It’s the one you see in movies where one person picks up the other and puts them against the wall (a la The Notebook). Upstanding Citizen is "one of the hottest positions ever," according to Balestrieri. (You'll even find recommendations to spice up the most basic positions-yes, I’m talking missionary-that'll pretty much guarantee next-level orgasms.) These 25 positions for kinky sex are a great start. Depending on what you like, the first step might be as simple as adding some new moves into your erotic rotation. Now that you're familiar with the basics, you might wonder how exactly to dip your toe in rougher waters. "Having that framework with kink can help you pace yourself, and figure out how fast or slow you want to go," she says. It's critical not only when you want to stop, but also when you’re nearing your limit, says Chin Hing-Michaluk. Also, don't forget to come up with a mutual safe word. You don't."īefore springing bondage gear on your partner, discuss your boundaries and desires, making sure you're on the same page about what you're both down to try, she says. "I think a lot of people, for some reason, have this idea that if you’re going to try kink, you have to go all the way. If you're unsure about what your kinky preferences are, licensed sex therapist Vanessa Marin suggests easing your way in. Your brand of kink might be sex with multiple partners at once it might be having your partner secretly use a remote control vibrator on you while out with friends it might include using sex toys with your partner in the bedroom. " if kink is defined as anything that exists outside of the norm, I challenge you to think about whose norm you’re conforming to," she says. At its most basic level, kink refers to unconventional sexual preferences or behaviors, says sex therapist Veronica N. Now, the term "kink" gets thrown around a lot, thus carrying a lot of ambiguity. "Inherently, it gives you the opportunity to talk about things on a deeper level, discuss different boundaries, debrief and evaluate together in a way that couples sometime forget to do when they have the same routine sex life." "Introducing kinkier elements into your sex life together can create a sense of adventure and deepen sense of trust," Balestrieri says. Plus, if you’re in a serious relationship, talking about your kinks and preferences can help you feel more connected to your partner, says Kate Balestrieri, licensed psychologist, certified therapist and founder of Modern Intimacy.
In fact, there are basic, accessible ways to make sex feel more erotic without going into full BDSM mode (unless you want to). Taking relationships-whether long term, a casual fling, or a FWB-to the next level and getting a little kinky doesn’t have to be as intimidating as it sounds. If you've only rotated between two or three sex positions in the past month, it's probably time to spice things up (for your own pleasure's sake).